Re: Passiveness

[Neil Frank <nfrank@mindspring.com>]

I agree with Erik 100%, but from my experience in working with volunteer
organizations, and in working with AGA in particular, there are lots of
"prima donna's" and other hard to work with people. We usually have two
choices: "douse the flames" or say what is really needed, and then look for
another volunteer. Until the individual makes uncorrectable errors, it is
usually best to keep them on the job. Sometimes, we choose to keep them off
the policy or management committees. I must say, given all the difficult
AGA people (including Dave and Diana), Mary may be the worst. 

I tried to apologize in the simplist possible way, and I hoped that my
scarcastic remark about responding to her "whining" would be noticed. I
have to say however, that I am personally disappointed in her that after I
apoligized, she did not retract her lash out at me. Consequently, I will
NEVER offer her any advice, except for any on a technical question.
Fortunately, she seems to prefer the advice of Karen, so I dont think I
will hear from her in that arena. Lucky Karen :-) 

I wish that I had the time and energy to craft a longer, more appropriate
response and say what was really needed, but unfortunately, this is not a
good time for me. Some of you may know that my only brother has cancer. I
think I may have mentioned it on the Amazon trip when I said I decided to
take advantage of such "an opportunity" when I could. Who knows when our
time is up. Unfortunately, he is not doing well and we just had hospice
come in yesterday. When I get angry at the present time, I find it too easy
for me to say what is on my mind and not care about diplomacy. So, I chose
to be minimal. I thought you guys should know, in case I am unresponsive to
an email or say something which is uncharactistic of me. 
Neil 

At 07:52 AM 03/16/2001 -0800, you wrote:
>I had to add something more here, before I dissappear off to work.
>
>Neil, while I realize that it was an attempt to "douse the flames", I
>beleive your apology to Mary will get interpreted by her as some sort of
>vindication.  Nowhere did you say what was really going on, which was that
>she sent a hideously ambiguous request for reply, and then threw a hissy
>fit when nobody replied. (TWICE even!)  It will NOT encourage her to
>better communicate.  I think there will thus be another similar round
>later, and her thinking will be "I was RIGHT last time."  All we have done
>is postponed things.  And next round, now that we've exhausted Neil, Karen
>and myself, David will be "it".  Then we'll have to find more steering
>committee members to take it on.  
>
>I don't even know if this is mutable, i.e. if we can actually change this
>into a positive working relationship with Mary.  She seems extremely set,
>and very negative whenever I've talked to her. I guess from that angle,
>maybe Neil was right, as long as we want her in the editor chair, the only
>thing we can do is appease her.  Clearly you guys know where I stand on
>issues like this, so I won't belabor the point.
>
>  - Erik
>
>-- 
>Erik Olson
>erik at thekrib dot com
>
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