[GSAS-Member] I'm not dead yet...

["Phil Lacefield Jr." <phil@lacefield.com>]

>>Okay, that's what I thought.  Perhaps he was hibernating.

No no, he's uh...he's resting.

Look, matey, I know a dead shrimp when I see one, and I'm looking at one
right now.

No no, he's not dead, he's resting!  Remarkable animal, the cherry red
shrimp, idn'it, ay?

The carapace doesn't enter into it.  He's stone dead.

Nonono, no, no!  He's resting!

All right then, if he's resting, I'll wake him up. "HELLO, MISTER SHRIMPY
SHRIMP! I've got a lovely fresh bit of plant here for you if you show...

*WHACK!* There!  He moved!

No he didn't, that was you hitting the tank!

I never!

Yes, you did!

I never, never did anything...

HELLO SHRIMPY!! Testing, testing, this is your nine o'clock alarm call!

*tosses shrimp onto floor*

Now that's what I call a dead shrimp.

No no....no, he's stunned!

STUNNED?!

Yeah!  You stunned him, just as he was waking up!  Cherry red shrimp stun
easily, major.

Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely had enough of this.  That
shrimp is definitely deceased, and when I purchased him not half an hour
ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to its being
tired and shagged out following a prolonged egg-wash.

Well, he's...he's ah...probably pining for the reefs.

PININ' for the REEFS??  What kind of talk is that??  Look, why did he float
right to the top the moment I got him home?

The cherry red shrimp prefers kippin' on its back!  Remarkable animal,
id'nit, squire?  Lovely little feelers!

Look, I took the liberty of examining that shrimp when I got home, and I
discovered the only reason that it has been behind that rock in the first
place was because it has been NAILED there.

Well of course he was nailed there!  If I hadn't nailed that shrimp down, it
would have nuzzled up to the tank, cracked it open with its claws, and VOOM!

"VOOM"?!  Mate, this shrimp wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts
through it.  He's bleedin' demised!

No no!  He's pining!

He's not pining!  He's passed on!  This shrimp is no more!  He has ceased to
be!  He's expired and gone to meet his maker!  He's a stiff!  Bereft of
life, he rests in peace!  If you hadn't nailed him to the rock he'd be
pushing up crypts!  His metabolic processes are now history!  He's off the
twig!  He's kicked the bucket, he's shuffled off this mortal coil, run town
the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!!

THIS IS AN EX...SHRIMP!

....

Well, I'd better replace it, then.  Sorry squire, I've had a look round the
back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of shrimp.

I see.  I see.  I get the picture.  

I got an albino bristle nose.

...

Pray, does it scurry?

Nnnnnot really.

WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT??

Look, if you go to my brother's fish store in White Center, he'll replace
the shrimp for you.

White Center, eh?  Very well.

(fin)

:-)

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