Re: [GSAS-Member] I'm not dead yet...

[Matt Staroscik <matt@wrongcrowd.com>]

WOW. Excellent rip!

On Fri, Jan 16, 2009 at 12:23 PM, Phil Lacefield Jr. <phil@lacefield.com>wrote:

> >>Okay, that's what I thought.  Perhaps he was hibernating.
>
> No no, he's uh...he's resting.
>
> Look, matey, I know a dead shrimp when I see one, and I'm looking at one
> right now.
>
> No no, he's not dead, he's resting!  Remarkable animal, the cherry red
> shrimp, idn'it, ay?
>
> The carapace doesn't enter into it.  He's stone dead.
>
> Nonono, no, no!  He's resting!
>
> All right then, if he's resting, I'll wake him up. "HELLO, MISTER SHRIMPY
> SHRIMP! I've got a lovely fresh bit of plant here for you if you show...
>
> *WHACK!* There!  He moved!
>
> No he didn't, that was you hitting the tank!
>
> I never!
>
> Yes, you did!
>
> I never, never did anything...
>
> HELLO SHRIMPY!! Testing, testing, this is your nine o'clock alarm call!
>
> *tosses shrimp onto floor*
>
> Now that's what I call a dead shrimp.
>
> No no....no, he's stunned!
>
> STUNNED?!
>
> Yeah!  You stunned him, just as he was waking up!  Cherry red shrimp stun
> easily, major.
>
> Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely had enough of this.  That
> shrimp is definitely deceased, and when I purchased him not half an hour
> ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to its being
> tired and shagged out following a prolonged egg-wash.
>
> Well, he's...he's ah...probably pining for the reefs.
>
> PININ' for the REEFS??  What kind of talk is that??  Look, why did he float
> right to the top the moment I got him home?
>
> The cherry red shrimp prefers kippin' on its back!  Remarkable animal,
> id'nit, squire?  Lovely little feelers!
>
> Look, I took the liberty of examining that shrimp when I got home, and I
> discovered the only reason that it has been behind that rock in the first
> place was because it has been NAILED there.
>
> Well of course he was nailed there!  If I hadn't nailed that shrimp down,
> it
> would have nuzzled up to the tank, cracked it open with its claws, and
> VOOM!
>
> "VOOM"?!  Mate, this shrimp wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts
> through it.  He's bleedin' demised!
>
> No no!  He's pining!
>
> He's not pining!  He's passed on!  This shrimp is no more!  He has ceased
> to
> be!  He's expired and gone to meet his maker!  He's a stiff!  Bereft of
> life, he rests in peace!  If you hadn't nailed him to the rock he'd be
> pushing up crypts!  His metabolic processes are now history!  He's off the
> twig!  He's kicked the bucket, he's shuffled off this mortal coil, run town
> the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!!
>
> THIS IS AN EX...SHRIMP!
>
> ....
>
> Well, I'd better replace it, then.  Sorry squire, I've had a look round the
> back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of shrimp.
>
> I see.  I see.  I get the picture.
>
> I got an albino bristle nose.
>
> ...
>
> Pray, does it scurry?
>
> Nnnnnot really.
>
> WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT??
>
> Look, if you go to my brother's fish store in White Center, he'll replace
> the shrimp for you.
>
> White Center, eh?  Very well.
>
> (fin)
>
> :-)
>
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