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Sneaker males and females.. how to tell?

Ok.. I have three apisto cacutoides.. one male two "females".  one of the 
females recently has shown that she is really a HE.. getting a lyre tail, 
dorsal lengthening, yellow spots getting more evident on his fins.  Black 
and yellow on the pectoral fins has disappeared/faded.  I have a second 
"female" which I'd like to make sure its female.  Is there any way to do 
this?  I have not had a spawn yet, but I feel its because of my tankmates 
(which should be fixed soon..) a tiger pleco and an african butterfly fish 
(its a 15g tank).

Any suggestions as to how to tell?

*utterly confused, irritated*

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